Hi Rhiannon! This is suuuper super late because I am crazy behind but I’ll try to give you some potentially useful feedback anyway. (:
The fact that you are so personally engaged in your topic shows even just in your outline. Your writing communicates a lot of passion. Your ideas seem well thought out and very logical. You do a great job of sensitively presenting a controversy that so many people are so easily offended by.
I am really curious about your evidence. I think the research that you incorporate into this will be really interesting considering it’s a debate that centers more around opinions than facts.
It seems like your main ideas are 1) sexual harassment occurs in bathrooms but not by trans people, 2) going to the bathroom isn’t about identity, it’s about necessity, 3) solution. However, I think it would be more effective if you made them a little more concise and added some of the elaboration into the explanation of evidence and supporting ideas.
I really enjoyed your outline, your final argument must be really great!
Hi Rhiannon! This is suuuper super late because I am crazy behind but I’ll try to give you some potentially useful feedback anyway. (:
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you are so personally engaged in your topic shows even just in your outline. Your writing communicates a lot of passion. Your ideas seem well thought out and very logical. You do a great job of sensitively presenting a controversy that so many people are so easily offended by.
I am really curious about your evidence. I think the research that you incorporate into this will be really interesting considering it’s a debate that centers more around opinions than facts.
It seems like your main ideas are 1) sexual harassment occurs in bathrooms but not by trans people, 2) going to the bathroom isn’t about identity, it’s about necessity, 3) solution. However, I think it would be more effective if you made them a little more concise and added some of the elaboration into the explanation of evidence and supporting ideas.
I really enjoyed your outline, your final argument must be really great!