This trend of discovering amazing drafts continues below as I run through my peer review of Erica Mohr's "Sex Ed in America: Abolish Abstinence-Only Education."
I suppose I performed a content suggestion. Basically I implored of her to incorporate some sort of hook into her introduction, so whatever that counts as. Maybe it's more of a copy-editing suggestion. I don't know but I think my suggestion helps because captivating your audience from the get-go is critical, especially if you're trying to convince them of something. You wouldn't want them to feel disinterested our neutral when the purpose is to make them agree with you on the matter, and I think establishing that interest factor immediately is a really helpful move to make.
I'm not sure where this comes into play in the Student's Guide. Perhaps in variety, since a hook is a different style of communication from exposition or narrative that goes in providing evidence in an argument. But we know it's just a generally good principle to hook your audience in your intro, and I wanted to highlight that I thought this was a weakness in her draft.
However, her strengths lie in her credibility established through her sources, her refutation of counterarguments, and her overall argument strength. I think once she finishes the voice-over, she will have nailed the genre, too. I was really impressed with her draft. I think if anyone needed help constructing their arguments, I'd direct them to Erica's draft. 10/10 would recommend
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