Editorial Report 13a

 Daaaaamn, Rhiannon...back at it again with another editorial report.  And this time I kinda went ham.


Rough Cut:

The major cause for concern when it comes to the "bathroom bills" is the potential for deceit and the sexual assault that could come as a result. Sexual assault has already taken place proliferously in public facilities such as restrooms and locker rooms (citation). If this is the case, what will happen to the statistic if predators are given some sort of opening to enter such facilities with much less concern for their intent? Think how easy it could be for a documented sex offender to claim a transgender identity to enter a bathroom of their choosing and victimize innocent people who are busy taking care of their own business.


Revised Selection:

The more legitimate cause for concern with allowing trans people to use the facilities that match their gender identities is the potential for deceit on the part of cisgender (non-transgender) predators. Restrooms, locker rooms, and other similar facilities are particularly vulnerable public spaces. Users expect a certain degree of privacy in areas in which they undress, even if only partially and within a stall. To open such an area up to anyone of any biological sex would be to open the area up to opportunist predators and sex offenders. If it becomes the norm not to doubt someone’s intentions, think how easy it could be for an evil person - perhaps even a documented sex offender - to claim a transgender identity and enter the bathroom of their choosing to victimize innocent people who believed their privacy was protected.

• The content changed considerably, though the overall end meaning did not. Little things like word choice and attention to phrasing were key in these edits. This added length to the paragraph as well as precision of language. I also got rid of the lie I had in there because I was hoping to find a statistic but I couldn't find one so it had to make room for something that wasn't a blatant lie.
• Again like a previous post, the form doesn't exactly change much with these content edits. I fixed a parenthetical in-text citation which is a genre convention, but they're both fairly equal standard college essay paragraphs.