Rough Cut:
Firstly, it is not my intention to claim that transgender people who have no history of sexual assault are going to suddenly become perverts and sexually harass others when allowed into the bathrooms matching their gender identities. This is the conservative view that dominates in opposition to allowing transgender bathroom access. It is not my opinion that the trans community is likely to commit crimes against innocent restroom users. In fact, this is actually the opposite of what happens frequently - because trans people are viewed under such a negative light by society, there is no shortage of documentation of poor treatment of trans people within public facilities (citation). It just would not be practical for anyone to make this claim, so it should be made clear that the purpose of this paper is not to accuse transgender people of being sexual predators.
Revised Cut:
Revised Cut:
Firstly, it is not my intention to claim that transgender people who have no history of sexual assault are going to suddenly become perverts and sexually harass others when allowed into the bathrooms matching their gender identities. This is the conservative view that dominates in opposition to allowing transgender bathroom access; an example of this would be Republican presidential hopeful Ted Cruz’s recent ad describing a transgender woman as a “man pretending to be a woman” and implying that for that reason, she should not be allowed to use a women’s restroom. (Sullivan). It is not my opinion that the trans community is likely to commit crimes against innocent restroom users. I completely recognize all non-binary genders, (genders other than “male” and “female”) and there is no rationale for accusing trans people of being likely sex offenders.
- I deleted some claims that I ultimately couldn't defend well in favor of an approach to making me sound like not an asshole as well as addressing a counterargument before it becomes an issue because I know it would've. I think those moves helped to communicate things more effectively because rather than giving some false claims, I made statements that the audience would theoretically agree with and just sounded more logical and credible.
- Besides the addition of a formal in-text citation replacing the original marker for a citation to be added later, the form really didn't change much. Both are paragraphs and neither one is a "better" looking paragraph.
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